What if Im not enough?

...What if I am?

It has been almost a year since I last time was processing my book writing, and it has been a struggle to get back on. I do have quite ok draft, or almost ready text, but I havent been able to continue it much at all this year.

I have had lots of self doubts, loss of energy and just lost the point of why Im even writing a book. 

I have had rough past few months due to unexpected events around me and also being myself more sick and kinda exhausted of everything that is going in my or my close ones lives. 

Today is first day in long time when I paused and let myself to go through the thought process of where Im going with my writing and where I want to go with it: What I have already done and whats next. 

I wrote down all the reasons why I havent continue the process, or at least those that came to my mind now. 

Briefly my reasons not to continue the process were

1.wondering is my story worthy to be written, does it give anything good to share it, 2. doubting my own skills and thinking of that I will fail  somehow.

3.Thinking about my own health and how that effects to my working, am I too tired or weak to continue?

Also

4. Thinking that would anyone ever even read it once its ready? Do I write a book to nonexistent audience?

I responded to my own thoughts by writing down how to go through these obstacles. 

1. Everyones story is valuable, if not to everyone else at least to yourself. Everyones ,including my own ,story does have right to be heard and acknowledged. Mine and others stories are not in a competition nor needed to put in order of which is more valuable and which less. Sharing a story of your own life puts you in vulnerable place, so its really important to remind over and over again that that story is my story, and Nothing can disvalue it. It has place in this earth even no one ever would hear it. It has purpose to myself. And Im proud of myself and thankfull for experiences and people i have had in my life. 

2. I have done a lot of things that I thought" I could never".  I have experience of how overcoming the fear of failure can lead to success. Also failing is not always something negative. If I believe in something and Its important to me, I can learn and have a joy of the process even I wouldnt achieve something I had in my mind in the beginning. Also, what would even mean failing in this project of writing a book? My goal has been that even one person would be encouraged by my story, it is then worthwhile to do it. I myself have been alreadt encouraged by this. Me going through my own life and how I view it has been a blessing to me, and I would say Im already succeeded.

3.Its important to take care of my health. I know if and when i will continue this project, I need to listen my needs and take my time. there is no rush. I also might need some structure and planning so the work that I still have wouldnt feel like a mountain I cant climb over. Make it to smaller hills and take a rest in valleys. 

4. LikeI wrote, I have been encouraged already. I have read my text and just reminding what all I have overcome and what all that has taught me, its not a little thing. Even my only reader was me, its still a victory. Even authors who has written books that have reached millions of people , needed to believe their own text and in the beginning needed to just go forward without knowing the outcome. My goal is not millions of people, heh, but the point is that when writing a story, most important is as an author to be behind the words myself, and perhaps be the sole reader of it , and still know, this is story worthy to be written. 

Maybe I some day go forward and continue my process of writing a book. Just needed to take a moment to think where I am and encourage myself to go forward. :) 

My story is enough. Im enough.